:: phototherapy ::

i think phototherapy is a real word - a word referring to the use of light in treating people with seasonal affective disorder - but for me today it means something different.

for me it's a big part of how i am taking it slowly this week and trying to stay on top of all the emotions roiling around inside me like too-hot water. yesterday, during evan's nap, i went for a walk. i walked along the canal in my hometown and noticed my calf muscles with each step (i was, perhaps not brilliantly, wearing flip flops for my excursion) and enjoyed the warm air and the faint breeze. and then i took pictures.

i bawled in the car the whole way to the spot i'd chosen to park, and i worried that i'd cry through my whole walk, but once i got out of the car and put foot to footpath, the crying stopped and i felt much better.

i'm still a bit turbulent inside today, don't get me wrong. it's been a horrible week and i've been stressed out and tired and under-cared-for and there's more stress to come. but taking the pictures was surprisingly effective therapy. the walking. the pictures. the water. the air. big help.

(note: also helpful? buying chalkboard paint for evan's room at the new house. it was nice to have a little project to get me excited about the move. more good to come, i'm sure.)