Saturday, July 7, 2007

:: Mama's Girl ::

So the answer to the question is this: a mama can still want her own mama.

I woke up this morning, the morning that my mom and sister are leaving after being here a week, and within about thirty seconds was bawling my eyes out in bed. Without warning! I was seized with this intense sadness about them leaving. I'm not ready yet. They haven't gotten to spend enough time with Evan. They need more. I know it.

And while it has been GREAT (in fact, there is no word for how wonderful it has been) to have their help this week (vacuuming, driving me around when needed, doing about 105 loads of laundry, making my bed twice after having to wash my sheets, making their own bed once after the same, cooking, shopping, cleaning, etc.), I am overwhelmed by this awful sense that they didn't get enough out of the trip -- that Evan wasn't around enough and that they're going to miss him too much when they leave.

Maybe it's partly a new sense of sympathy I have now that I'm a mama myself. I just can't imagine how sad it would be to leave this kid, even for a day, let alone returning to Rochester without even having a next trip planned. I feel almost desperate in my sadness about this. I can't imagine how my mom is going to feel leaving, for example. I know she wishes she could take Evan along with her. It makes me wish I had woken him more this week, kept him up, let him sleep in her arms more. It makes me wish they could move in and never leave.

I am really going to miss them and I know they're really going to miss him. God this parenting thing can be heartbreaking.

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