Sunday, November 27, 2011

:: the first business trimester ::


it's four now, and i'm just sitting down to work, which on a sunday is pretty much unheard of. usually i toil my sundays away since i have no childcare on monday and only part of a day on tuesday. sundays are important days, work wise.

instead of working i spent 20 minutes on the elliptical and 5 hours sweeping and mopping my house from top to bottom. (note to self: if you are going to spend five hours sweeping and mopping, 20 minutes on the elliptical is kinda irrelevant.)

my work break has much less to do with needing to clean -- let's face it, i clean so seldom that there's basically always a need to do it -- and much more to do with needing to do some business thinking.

it's the same reason i've been absent here on the blog these last 19 days.

i'm thinking. planning. assessing. polling. synthesizing. crunching. fantasizing. gut-checking.

business is slow this month -- because i made it that way. i've taken off random saturdays to sit and stare at my husband, or my in-laws, spent sundays sliding furniture around in order to uncover bunny-sized dust bunnies. i've gone evenings (not many, mind you, maybe even just one) completely computer-free. i've taken long lunch breaks and walks around the block.

sales are way down, of course, but thanks to work i did all year for minted and snapfish, i'm reaping the rewards of the holiday season without much effort at all on my part.

i have my reasons for creating this slow, slow november.

i am at a point in the growth of my business and my family life where i need to figure out what the next few years are going to look like.

brian would like to have a bit more of me on the weekends and has suggested a few times that it might be time to think about a more full-time daycare situation for the kids. and i've also had a business epiphany that pushes the issue further. 

i have a really excellent business plan and i've crunched the numbers and done some market research and floated the idea by friends and colleagues and it's excitingly possible. doable. but to do it right, and it's the kind of thing that really has to be done right, it will require three things:
  1. a significant investment - of somewhere around $10-16K - that it will take between 9 and 12 months to recuperate, which I realize isn't bad at all from a business investment standpoint.
  2. a dedicated space (i.e. commercial or industrial studio space), which adds to the investment tally and extends the time until break-even.
  3. an employee. which, yeah, adds to the investment tally and, right again, extends the time until break-even quite a bit more. this part of the equation also adds the potential for a lot more stress.

i'm not totally good with stress. my tissues seem to be stress sponges, sucking up all the cortisol and adrenaline and other yuckiness and turning them into raw, pulsating panic that strikes when least expected, sometimes even waking me from a dead sleep. 

i am surprisingly okay with issue number one, the investment, but the second two are too big for me to take lightly. they're major. crazy major. to make those two things (a studio, an employee) work with my life, i'd definitely have to up the week-day daycare and in order to compensate, work less on the weekends. i'd be signing myself up for a full-time day job working for myself and being someone's boss.

let me tell you, it doesn't feel great knowing that i have this viable business idea that has the potential to really be wildly successful and that all i need to do to make it happen is commit to it fullheartedly and step up and take the reins and yet i'm sitting here writing a long thinky blog post about it.

it also doesn't feel great knowing that my hesitation is a very female hesitation. something tells me that a man in my position would already have been down to the SBA talking about loans, would have scoped out studio space, would have talked to the woman at daycare about extending the kids' hours, and would be spreading the word about the impending new hire. that i'm not doing those things makes me feel a bit wimpy.

brian is already telling people - you know, family members and such - about my new business plan, which makes me cringe a little bit. or not cringe. wince. like it hurts to talk about it. and hurt i guess it does, because i know he's right that i could easily be racing forward into the wild blue future. 

but there are things i just can't ignore. i can't ignore the fact that i'm a total introvert who isn't exactly jumping up and down at the thought of working day-in and day-out with the same human being, having to communicate each day with that person. having to advise, guide, teach, correct, and listen to carefully enough to make the business - and the working relationship - work.

and i can't ignore the fact that emily is only two and i still want a little bit more time with her. she's at that age where we are starting to be buddies, and i really do not like the idea that i got to share the early buddy years with evan but might choose not to spend them with emily. it's a decidedly motherly thing to worry about, that i won't know my daughter as well as i will know my son, but it's there and its un-ignorable.

so here i sit, feeling so much like a mother in her first trimester who is nervous and excited and bewildered, who doesn't want to tell anyone about the baby yet - just in case. here i sit with a kick-ass plan for a really kick-ass business, one that would be both a new direction for me and a really logical extension of everything i've been doing since november 2, 2008 when all of this started.

if i don't move forward with the plan, i know i'll mourn the loss. i don't know that i can go as far as to compare it to a miscarriage or an abortion, since i've never experienced those, but there will definitely be pain and mourning and the sense that something amazing didn't happen. but while that sounds to some like a reason in and of itself to move forward -- take the plunge in order to avoid the mourning, the pain, the loss, the regret -- to me it's not so clear. avoiding that sense of loss isn't enough to make me ignore the fact that i'm not sure i want the life that bringing this new business to fruition would bestow upon me. the life for me, and for my family.

it's all so damned complicated.

there are some things that i am pretty sure of. 
  1. i like working. i wouldn't trade in my job for staying home full time in a million years. i LOVE my kids and i LOVE that we have mondays all to ourselves to just do kid-and-mom-type things. out and about in the old things and here at home things. but i do actually hope to even out my life a bit more over the next few years so that i can do more of my work during "normal" work hours and less at night and on weekends.
  2. i like that my job is flexible.
  3. if anything, over the years i've wished it would be even a little bit easier for me to take breaks, deal with illnesses, etc.

beyond those things, i think i need to do some more house-cleaning, by which i mean soul-searching. i hope you'll indulge my silence about the specifics of the business while i do so.

and um, yeah, please do stop by my shop, as well as minted and/or snapfish, if you're so inclined this month. you'll be contributing directly to my ability to take the time to figure shit out.

please and thank you good night.

Comments (8)

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This really resonates with me, Julie. I'm in a sort of pre-strategy mode myself...it's maddening but exciting.

It's easy for me to yell out, "Hey, go for it!!" and then not apply that attitude to myself. So, you go, girl, but also, I get it.

A lot of my decision-making gets tangled up in my thoughts about what others' expectations of me are....it's ridiculous and frustrating.....they don't have these expectations of me, and I know it!...but I think I indulge these fears because it lets me stall. And it's not just planning or cautious moving forward, but just putting off thinking about it.....

It sounds like your mind is made up, you're just getting right with your choice. Rah rah!
1 reply · active 693 weeks ago
This is so funny because I feel like my mind kind of IS made up, but maybe not in the direction you're thinking, which makes my mind that much LESS made up. I guess that sort of ties in with what you're saying about other peoples' expectations, but there is also something to be said for people-who-are-not-you being able to see things that you can't or don't see.

I went into this plan thinking of it one way and the feedback I've gotten from everyone has helped me realize that the endeavour I'm possibly embarking on really does require the studio space and the employee. I didn't see it that way until I talked about it with other people.

I'm curious to know which way you think my mind is made up, Hannah! : )
Julie, I love that you're so forth coming about this stuff, about the fact that you are just trying to figure things out. I think that blogs are filled with that everything-is-so-flipping-perfect vibe right now and it's refreshing to read anything about struggle and change and things not being totally figured out.

This whole post definitely resonates with me as well as I'm thinking about and planning a new direction for my business. It's always kind of scary for me to change the way I do things, so I have to remind myself that I am the boss and I can do whatever I want to do or don't want to do as the case may be!

Anyway, I know your plan will be totally kick ass and I can't wait to hear more about it!
1 reply · active 693 weeks ago
Stephanie, you totally hit the nail on the head with the whole "I am the boss and I can do whatever I want to do or don't want to do" thing. Part of what gives me pause about the idea of an employee is losing some of the freedom that really drives all of my decisions, that "I'm the boss and I only answer to myself and my family and my bills" thing.
totally random. was just thinking about this post and wanted to see if you've thought about doing a kickstarter project to help with the initial funds to get the project started so you can decrease the financial stress associated with the new venture?? i know i would love to support you :)!
2 replies · active 692 weeks ago
Carolyn,

Thanks for thinking of me!�Kickstater is really strict about funding only PROJECTS with a defined beginning and end, and I'm struggling to figure out how to make what I'm doing seem projecty. If I can't, I'm actually considering using a site called Profounder, but I'm not sure yet because I don't know ANYONE who has used it. Have you heard of it before?

Julie Green
Up Up Creative

my shop :: <a href="http://upupcreative.com
http://upupcreative.com<br />my blog :: http://upupcreative.blogspot.com
I haven't heard of Profounder but will let you know if I hear anything from others :)
I know it may be a trite saying, but been-there-done-that. Being on the precipice of growth is exciting and harrowing at the same time. I had my business for over 25 years and loved it for most of that time, especially the growth stages or which there are many as you go along. Being a thinker, I can hear you working thru the possibilities just as I did. In my case, I ruminated longer than necessary (I have a procrastination/research it to death malady). When I bit the bullet and got things done, I soared. You will, too. Having employees is a Godsend but also a challenge. I am a mother hen type of person and wanted to take care of everybody. In business, I now know it isn't always the best policy and it took my focus off the business which impacted its growth. If I had to do it over again, I would have taken a management course or learned management skills at the SBA. That is my only do-over word of wisdom. The rest is a ballet and just requires practice. You will be fine. You will revel in your studio space. You will grow. Have a ball!

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