Saturday, September 6, 2008

:: :: thanks a lot, liz gilbert :: ::

Elizabeth Gilbert has ruined radio for me.

It’s true. The author of the wildly popular book Eat, Pray, Love has single-handedly destroyed my daily drive.

I listened to her book on CD in the car over the course of a few weeks and now that it’s over, I miss her. I want her there in my speakers still. It’s not so much what she said (although sometimes it was) but that lovely voice of hers. I want to hear her drippy affirmations and her tongue-tangling Italian. I want to hear that super-smooth voice she uses to represent that inner voice that talks to her telling her always, “I am here. I love you.” I want to hear her imitate Richard from Texas’s drawl and the way he says “groshries” instead of groceries.

I turn on the radio now and it sounds harsh, loud, and vulgar. I have to turn it off. In the 8 years I’ve owned this car I don’t think its radio has ever been off except for one time between Buffalo and Rochester when there was a thunderstorm I just had to hear. But now it’s off permanently, I’m afraid. It’s been off for weeks. Every few days I try the radio again and sometimes I even last through a song, but usually not.

I have tried some other books on CD, thinking maybe it’s not Liz Gilbert I miss but simply being read to in the car. But no. That dude who wrote Marley and Me — his voice was uberannoying. I was glad when his book was over. And the Stephen Colbert speech I have on my iPod — that one from the White House Correspondents’ Dinner — sure it’s awesome and I love it, but it doesn’t cut it in the car either. NPR leaves as much to be desired.

I’m considering hiring Elizabeth Gilbert to be my chauffeur. Do you think she’d take the gig?