Sunday, July 20, 2008

:: :: still here... :: ::

I don’t think I’ve gone this many days without blogging since Evan was born. Not to worry, though, I’m still here. Still kicking. It’s been a tough few weeks and I honestly still feel sort of like it’s never ever EVER going to get better, but I know it will.

It’s hard when you know you have to do some work to achieve something but you don’t feel you have the energy to do the work. But all the wonderful people in my life keep reassuring me that little by little the energy will come and the work will get easier and I’ll feel like myself again.

I’ve mentioned to some people that I feel sort of out of control and they always seem surprised to hear me say that. Surprised and a little worried, I suppose. And they ask what I mean and I have a hard time explaining. I think what I really mean is that I don’t feel like me. And I don’t know how to feel like me again. I don’t know how to fix all of this, and that makes me feel like it’s controlling me instead of vice versa.

And MAN OH MAN do I hate that.