Thursday, June 7, 2012

:: advice versus wisdom ::

big shock here: i don't ask for advice.

my therapist has her theories about this, which are so obvious they're probably right. but the important thing is that i don't ask. ever. and furthermore, i don't even discuss what i'm thinking, so that my decisions - even the biggest decisions - seem to drop into the laps of my friends and family without even a warning. my ideas appear to hatch from me, fully formed.

so my therapist suggested that i just experiment a little bit with asking for advice. see how it feels. and since i'm learning that people's suggestions are often quite helpful if i'm willing to admit that, i decided to try.

trouble is, i feel like when i ask for advice what i'm really doing is looking for someone to give me permission to come to a conclusion i have already reached.

perhaps i ask too late in the decision-making process?

what i'm finding i much prefer - and find very effective - is listening to the almost off-hand comments people make to me in my daily life. the questions they ask, or the jokes they make, or the things they tease me about. like my uncle who read my blog post from last week and told me to take it easy and go grocery shopping already. or the friend who, upon hearing my somewhat crazy idea of starting a print shop asked me if i wasn't worried that it would get too overwhelming. or the therapist who suggested i might want to start asking for advice. or who upon telling me that she couldn't meet at our usual time and we'd have to skip a session suggested i still reserve that hour and do something relaxing like get a massage (and did i? no. but i should have).

these little things - these small bits of whatever you want to call them - i'm learning that they're actually pieces of wisdom. and in my opinion - or my experience - they're best when i didn't go out seeking them.