Thursday, January 15, 2009

:: :: oh dear, oh dear :: ::

where, oh where has my little blog gone? oh where, or where can it be?

i can't even begin to explain how sad i am that my blog is gone. i've been running that blog since 2006. it has documented my pregnancy, the birth of my first child, my postpartum depression, my decision to stop working on my dissertation in english, our efforts to move home to new york, my work at building a shop.

i think i still have the post data somewhere on my server, which is the partially good news. i'm just not sure it's retrievable in any reasonable way.

one of my favorite writers, maxine hong kingston, once lost an entire manuscript -- i think it was 500 pages -- in a fire; she had to sit down to entirely rewrite the manuscript from memory. i always admired that so much, and thought how hard it would be to continue on with the same story. i think i would have just started fresh with something new.

now here i am wondering how on earth i could ever possibly recreate my own past. i just couldn't. how could i recapture what i was feeling those first days after evan's birth? or during those days of anxiety when i was gripped tightly in the fists of my depression?

anyone who doesn't think a blog is an important document -- who thinks that it is just some kind of random daily rambling, which it may well be -- is so wrong. i can't believe there were moments when i considered just deleting my blog forever because not enough people were reading it. as if a blog is about its readers and not about the amazing way it frames and reframes your life every single time you post. the way it documents not just events and feelings but frames of mind, perspectives...

if you don't have a blog perhaps you will consider starting one today in honor of my gone blog. and leave me a comment with a link if you do.


a friend to knit with January 19, 2009 at 8:56 PM  

i am SO sorry about your blog.
seriously. i have never even thought about if that happened......and if it did, i too would be devastated.
i love what you said about how a blog frames and reframes your life. you couldn't have said it better.

Lori January 19, 2009 at 10:58 PM  

so, so awful about your blog -- i'm so sorry!! you have made a beautiful new space; i hope you find your missing data!

dharmamama January 20, 2009 at 3:27 PM  

It seems so symbolic to me, the loss of your old blog just as you started a new life in a place you love. I have a friend who lost *everything* he had in a fire - old photos, letters, clothes, everything, everything, everything - and he says it was absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to him, it forced him to focus more on *now*.

I don't think I would have that attitude, but thought I'd share it! You are definitely design-minded - your new space is beautiful!

Lori R January 27, 2009 at 10:45 AM  

Your blog is beautiful and beautifully written. The thing I contend with concerning framing and reframing my life is making sure my life and its events dictate my blog and not the other way around! This is my life, "I will blog it," not "I will do this thing so I can blog about it."